The conversation of Parenting is the theme of this week’s episode of the Date Your Wife Podcast, where the Whites discuss accountability, checklists, belief systems, unsolicited advice, and loving your kids… no matter what.

*EPISODE REPLAY from Sept 2018.*

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:

Week 1: Sex

Week 2: Money

Week 3: Parenting

Week 4: Communication

In This Week’s Podcast….Parenting

Point #1: Morning Chaos

  • Garrett describes their eleven-year-old daughter as a morning psychopath. She sets her alarm to go off up to nine times every morning just so she can wake up and get out of bed.
  • Their seven-year-old daughter is very much into routines. It’s almost as if she goes into auto-pilot in the morning and is good to go as long as everything is set up perfectly for her in advance.

How are your children similar? How are they different?

Point #2: Unsolicited Advice

  • Garrett is very committed as a parent to teaching the ‘right’ thing to his children. He’s had people reach out to him offering unsolicited advice about their parenting styles.
  • Danielle: Everybody is super judgy about parenting styles, and at some level, every parent feels like they have fucked up their kids.

How do you handle unsolicited advice when it comes your way?

Point #3: I Love You No Matter What

  • If Danielle had to choose only one thing to teach their children, it would be accountability coupled with love. “If you could embed accountability and love into a kid, I think that would solve the world’s problems.”
  • Years ago, Garrett began telling his daughters, “I love you, no matter what.” No matter what they do or say, he told them he will always love them.

If, as a parent, you could only teach your children one thing, what would that be?

Point #4: Boxes and Checklists

  • Just like in education, there’s a box that people try to put their kids into of ‘this is what it looks like to be successful.” And anything that doesn’t fit inside that box, they consider inaccurate or not right.
  • For most parents, they’re always trying to get it “right” with their children, so they always feel guilty. And because they never get it ‘right’ based on a checklist that never ends, they don’t focus on the actual belief systems they want to instill in their children.

How are you keeping your children inside a box?

Point #5: Core Beliefs

  • Garrett: You can teach your kids all kinds of tactics, but what are the important mindsets and skillsets that you ‘should’ teach your children? There are plenty of people who know how to do the dishes, yet are unable to produce in life.
  • I’m convinced that what people actually learn as children and what they take into their adult life is driven by the values and beliefs their parents instill in them, both by what they say and by what they watch their parents do.

What are the core beliefs that you are brainwashing your kids to believe that are empowering them as people?

Communication Challenge:

What are the actual belief systems that matter to you, and that you are instilling in your children? What are the beliefs about themselves and the world that you are consciously depositing into them?

Date Night Topic:

On your next Date Night, have a conversation about how you want your children to remember your interaction and love connection as a couple.

Quote of the Week:

“I was blown away when I got married at how horrifically unprepared I was to be a married man.”

–Garrett J White

“She’s not mine to manipulate and control. I’m there to guide and lead her; to show up and do the best I can as a parent.”

–Danielle K White