In this new and refreshing episode of the “Podcast by the Pool” aka the Date Your Wife podcast, today’s topic comes as a result of a recent comment posted in response to a marketing piece on Garrett’s social media and sparks an important conversation about taking ownership of where you are in life…no matter where that is. We also get a little pregnancy update as the White’s enter the final stretch. To see what Garrett and Danielle are up to professionally, be sure to check out dkwstyling.com or betheman.com.
Every week, married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:
Week 1: Sex
Week 2: Money
Week 3: Parenting
Week 4: Communication
In This Week’s Podcast….Communication
Point #1: Own It
- A recent comment on Garrett’s social media prompted today’s topic of serving and playing at your level, no matter what it is, and not be ashamed of where you’re at, regardless of where that is. You see people with money trying to hide and play humble, and then you have others who don’t have things on lockdown but pretend that they do. It’s the inability to own where you are at any given time.
- Garrett: Look at the crazy dynamic of this. In your relationship, you’re not where you want to be, so you lie to everyone about where you are, pretending you’re something you ‘re not. Then, you get somewhere that’s legit, and you feel weird about being there, so you lie about where you are and try to downplay it.
Where in your world do you pretend to be something or someone you’re not?
Point #2: Lambo Be Gone
- Garrett has had conversations with about five businessmen who have bought a Lamborghini because it’s always been something they’ve wanted. But once they had it, they felt so uncomfortable about what people were saying to them and the attention they were drawing that they ended up selling their car.
- Garrett: So you get to a place where you’ve created the success and produced something inside of your world, but then you start apologizing for it. You’re at the bottom and trying to up-play; you’re at the top and trying to downplay. When the fuck are you going to accept who you are?
As you look inside your world, where do you tend to make decisions based on other people’s opinions about you rather than having confidence in your own choices?
Point #3: Just the Facts
- The White’s have experienced both ends of the spectrum, both in their finances and in their marriage. Inside of being at the bottom end of the spectrum, it’s difficult to own where you are and to be honest about it.
- Garrett: Your greatest access to power inside of yourself and inside of marriage is to actually be honest about where you are. But the vast majority of society right now is filled with this idea that you can’t be ok with where you are, and that you have to constantly pose yourself to be something that you’re not.
When is the last time you were truly honest about the facts of your life?
Point #4: Sexual Desert
- Garrett: At 43, I’m at a different level. I’m more mature and I’ve learned to deal with myself in a totally different way than the previous pregnancies. But…I’m getting a little nervous. We’ve created a new routine that is obviously warranted because of the baby, but I get nervous as a guy. What if it (our sexual life) never comes back?
- Danielle: Pregnancy and sex are awkward for both the guys and the girls. When you’re pregnant, you literally have another human growing inside of you and you’re kind of operating at 65% capacity. You’re trying to be sexy, but everything is more awkward. I’m not really concerned about the next chapter once I’ve recovered and healed…and I’m excited to be back to myself again!
How have you and your spouse handled the ‘sexual desert’ during pregnancies?
Point #5: Taking Risks
- Garrett: There’s a piece inside all of us that has to make a decision, and it’s a decision that has to be made every day – several times a day. It’s a decision to rise and to build. But most individuals and couples aren’t willing to take the risks necessary. You’ve got to be willing to take a risk. And the first risk you’ve got to take is being honest with yourself.
- Danielle: You have to get a little uncomfortable. You have to be willing to change or do something different. And some of those things might not be for you but for your man – and he’s going to have to cross the table and do the same thing for you. It might not be something you normally would do but ultimately, it will serve you both and strengthen your relationship.
When was the last time you took a risk as both an individual and as a couple?
Have a conversation about taking risks and what that looks like for you inside your marriage.
Date Night Topic:
How to navigate the Sexual Desert during pregnancy is this week’s Date Night topic. Bounce ideas off each other and truly get honest with how you each feel.
Quote of the Week:
“If a couple doesn’t get divorced legally, there’s a separation and divorce that has to happen spiritually with people as they start to shift and change. Your marriage – the way it is – has to die in order for it to become the marriage you want it to be.”
—Garrett J White
“Who’s the poser? Is it the person down-playing or the person up-playing? Is it the person pretending to have what they don’t have, or the person with a shit ton of money pretending that they don’t?”
—Danielle K White