Communication is the topic in this week’s Date Your Wife episode where Danielle and Garrett discuss growth, conflict & collision, and how we all take on different characters and play different roles in our relationships.*This is a previously aired episode from June 2018.

Every week, married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:

Week 1: Sex

Week 2: Money

Week 3: Parenting

Week 4: Communication

In This Week’s Podcast….Communication

Point #1: Activate the Gremlin

  • Danielle is the owner of DKW Styling Salon and has created a hair extension system called Natural Beaded Rows. She and her team are basking in the afterglow of their most recent three-day convention, where they hosted 350 students eager to learn Danielle’s system.
  • Garrett: A comment came in from an associate of ours who was at the convention. “You know, Danielle is like a gremlin – cuddly, nice, sweet, and fun. And when you pour a little water on it and out comes the beast. I watched Danielle speak and train as I have never before seen her. Her Gremlin was activated.”

What causes the Gremlin in you to activate?

Point #2: Characters & Roles

  • Garrett: As human beings, we take on many different roles and characters. Inside of marriage, we are required to create and master a diverse number of them.
  • Danielle:  In business, a true professional knows when to use each character in the different roles they are required to take on. As women, we have to know when to wear the work hat, when to wear the mom hat, and when to wear the wife and lover hat.

What are the different characters and roles you take on in your marriage?

Point #3: Growing At Different Speeds

  • Danielle: When we lost everything, and Garrett was trying to discover himself, I was always telling him, “just figure it out.” He would want to share and connect with me, and when I didn’t want to, he felt I wasn’t growing. I decided I wasn’t going to worry about what Garrett was doing, but instead, work on myself and stay in my own lane.
  • Garrett: We grow at different speeds and at different times. This changes our roles and makes communication difficult. The challenge becomes staying in your own lane. When you’re trying to communicate, and you’re both in two totally different places, it can be challenging.

How do you handle growing at different speeds within your marriage?

Point #4: Choice vs Force

  • Garrett: I got to the point where my power and my path were going to be about choosing me and choosing the path that I wanted -and inviting Danielle to come along with me. “This is where I’m going. I would like you to come with me, but if you don’t want to come, that’s okay, I’m still going to go.” The more I took that stand, the better our communication became inside of our relationship.
  • Danielle: I felt so much better when it became more about me getting to choose rather than feeling like you were forcing or dragging me. If you go to an event that’s all about self-help or self-awareness, you don’t want to come home to your spouse and say, “By the way, you’re broken, and you should probably come with me and get fixed.” 

Are you more likely to force or to encourage choice in your relationships?

Point #5: The Control Factor

  • Garrett: I’ll have you consider that the worst thing that could ever exist inside of a relationship is where there is no collision in communication. Collision must happen, and inside of that, control must, at times, be surrendered.
  • Danielle: To ultimately get what you want, you have to choose your battles. Sometimes when we’re fighting, and realize we’re on the same team, we let it go, calm it down, and then revisit that conversation at a later time.

How do you handle collision in your relationship?

Communication Challenge:

How do you handle and resolve conflict in your marriage?

Date Night Topic:

What are you committed to as a couple in the area of growth?

Quote of the Week:

“When you’re growing, and your partner may not be growing at the same speed, you have to stay committed to what you want, move forward, and invite them into the picture.”

Garrett J White

“Learn how to communicate with your partner in that safe zone.”

Danielle K White